Some days I wonder if I can keep going. Some days it seems like I'm just going to cave in from emotional exhaustion. I was raised a pastor's kid and saw first hand the stresses that pastors face. I thought I knew what I was getting myself into--until I became one myself. I was, to say the last, unprepared for the extreme pressure of leading a spiritual body of people. I face the realization every day that I stand responsible for the spiritual well being of 75 people! I stand responsible and will answer to God for the things I preach, teach, say, and do to influence them. I realize quite often that my decisions, actions, and words will reach into eternity. This is not some ordinary corporate leadership role. My decisions will not altar the economic crisis nor will I ever find the answer to health care reform. My decisions reach further.

The very thought of this makes my head spin and my heart skip a beat. My stomach is in my throat and I feel as though I'm going to be sick. I need to sit down a moment. But wait. God is with me. He speaks through me, and He has the power to infiltrate my thought process so that I can have the mind of Christ. I need to get to know Him more intimately. So that when I act, it is God acting through me.

Raising Kids is not as easy as it looks

Heath and I decided after putting our daughter through a year and half of conventional school that homeschooling was the right decision for our family. We based this decision on the fact at that time that she wasn't learning the things we felt that she should for the grade level she was in. We also knew that public schools no longer hold God in the highest regard and therefore, we want no part of it.

I am on facebook daily, and I have joined several homeschool type groups on there, but I'll be honest...I never really read their posts...that is, until now. Several days ago, there was a link posted to this particular article:http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/03/03/AR2010030303075.html

Written by George F. Will of the Washington Post, this article outlines a new book entitled, Nature Shock: New Thinking About Children. Apparently authors,Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman, feel that what they call "modern parents" who constantly build up their children are doing their offspring a harm. They go on to say that children who are encouraged do not deal well with failure. They say that parents who praise their children are actually praising themselves and Children who open their lunchboxes and find mothers' handwritten notes telling them how amazingly bright they are tend to falter when they encounter academic difficulties"

To say the least, I do not agree with the reporter or the book. While their viewpoint may have validity when it comes to the refusal to keep score in kids' soccer games or the practice of teaching kids to jump rope without a rope (in case they trip and feel let down), these are extreme examples.

You may have noticed the recent Hallmark commercial where the little girl is sitting in class and the teacher announces that it's test time. She opens a Hallmark card from her mom that encourages her and gives her the self-confidence to do well on her test.

Psychologists have loonnnnggg stated that children need encouragement and self-confidence. They may succeed without it, but they are a whole lot more likely to succeed with it.

The world tears children down faster than we could ever build them up. Just yesterday, I heard a story on Yahoo! News about a teacher in Buncombe County, North Carolina, that wrote on a 6th grader's paper,

"-20% for being a loser." Every time the student missed a question, instead of a check mark, the teacher would write "loser" out to the side of the missed question. Perfect example.

Not only are our children dealing with self-doubt and peer pressure, now they have to worry about teachers who don't like them and teachers that write "loser" on their papers.

What's wrong with encouragement? When I started school 25 years ago, it was extremely hard to face peers who made fun of me and therefore, I always had self doubts...throughout school. Home was the only safe place for me, and I knew my parents loved me...because they told me they loved me and they placed a sense of self-confidence in me that I was smart and capable of anything. I hate to think about what I would've been if my parents had just said, "Well, deal with it."

Why can't we teach our children that they're smart and a good person AND teach them that failure is going to happen and teach them how to deal with it? Why can't we tell them that failure is going to happen, but it doesn't mean that they're any less of a person because of it?

I love my kids. And I want them to know it.

A federal appeals court in San Francisco upheld the national motto "In God We Trust." Thursday, the decision was made to keep this motto on currency and coins.

Apparently this guy, Michael Nedow, is an athiest and claimed that the references to God in the pledge of Allegiance "disrespected his religious beliefs." The court rejected his claim and said this:"The Pledge is constitutional.. The Pledge of Allegiance serves to unite our vast nation through the proud recitation of some of the ideals upon which our Republic was founded."

Now here's my question. In 2002, the same court ruled in favor of Nedow after he sued his daughter's school for having her recite the Pledge of Allegiance.

I remember vividly when I was a child and everyone was forced to recite the plegde. There were at times, students in my class that didn't want to do it for various reasons, mostly because they were just being lazy. But no one ever claimed that they didn't want to recite it because they didn't believe in God.

Here was Nedow's response to Thursday's ruling: "Oh man. What a bummer."

He sounds totally bummed, dude...

At any rate, I'm glad to hear the court's decision. It was a surprise coming from California, after all.

Several years ago, I suffered from a rare blood disorder that drained Heath and I financially. I worried constantly and felt guilty about all the money my treatment was costing. One day on a drive home from the doctor, we stopped at a Wal-Mart to pick up a few needed items. As I was walking out the door, I noticed a lot of coins just strewn around the parking lot. I picked up a penny and just looked at it--really looked at it for the first time. Imprinted were the words: In God We Trust. The thought came to me that it wasn't in that money that we trusted. We don't trust in our bank accounts. We don't trust even in our own abilities to earn money. We trust in God. In Him alone are the answers for which we seek. He alone can provide. And He alone will provide.

Becky

Today is Becky's birthday.

Becky was a regular attender of our church when we arrived in January of 2009. She was a single lady in her mid-50's with no children. She worked at the University in the cafeteria for 37 years and loved her job.

It was apparent that she struggled financially and physically. She was diabetic, had high blood pressure, and had severe back problems. During the summers and over Christmas the University cafeteria closed down and so therefore, she had no income during those months. Her problems were great, and that is exactly what had driven her to church--and Her Lord during the summer of 2008.

We realized right away that Becky was no ordinary person. She loved to laugh, loved to love others, and loved to be loved. She thrived in church and she soaked up every word and thought that she possibly could. Often times I would look her way on purpose while I was preaching only to get encouragement from her in return. It was always so refreshing to see someone with a fresh spirit and hunger for God.

Our conversations always turned around sooner or later to the topic of God's faithfulness, goodness, and compassion. She was a babe in Christ and needed constant attention and feeding. It was at times emotionally draining but always fulfilling at the end of the day.

During the summer of 2009, Becky and I went to eat lunch one day and I noticed she was limping. This was to be the start of a lengthy illness and problems like we had never known before. Soon to be discovered, her back was in terrible shape with her spine twisted and contorted in such a way that the doctors really didn't give her any hope of ever helping. Because of this, she was unable to go back to work in the fall. It was hard for her financially...so hard that she ended up having to move and forget about former financial obligations just so she could have a roof over her head. Thanks to the generosity of fellow church members and family members, she moved to a subsidized housing unit, and she absolutely thrived! She was breathing much easier from the financial weight alone being lifted from her shoulders.

Then the phone call came two weeks later. Her niece called to tell me that Becky had suffered a major heart attack and the doctors weren't giving them much hope. When I got to the hospital and entered the ICU area, I saw Becky's body lying there being supported by a ventilator. The doctor came in that morning to notify the family that Becky had no brain activity and that they should think about removing her from the life support system.

I immediately knew that this was a situation that would not leave me the same as a pastor. I had never witnessed someone dying, and I had never met any of her family at all. The only thing I knew what that they didn't know the Lord, and here I am now with them trying to offer them the only support I knew--my God. I breathed a prayer for strength and plunged right in. God would see them through. God's grace is enough. I was assured that Becky would be with Him and completely healed.

I felt scared, empowered, shy, and bold--all at the same time. A voice and strength I didn't know I had came out, and I was able to minister in a time of chaos.

Becky left the world that day, but memories of her still linger in my mind. In the days that followed, I grieved--for all of the things I should've, could've, and would've taught her. I wondered, "Did I do/say all that I could've? Did I do a good enough job?"

I thought about the first day of school for my first-born. I constantly racked my mind her first day asking myself, "Did I teach her respect for elders? Did I teach her how to write her name? Does she know her parents' names/phone numbers just in case? Did I pack her a good lunch? Is she dressed well?"

As I thought about Becky standing before God, I thought along the same lines. Did I do a good enough job?

After the memorial service was over, and the family went on to go on with their lives, I understood anew the responsibility we have to minister. We're not promised tomorrow, and we're not promised another opportunity. Seize it while you have it.

Day at the Hospital

Often times when I'm visiting the hospital, especially when someone is having surgery, I often wonder, "Do they really need (or want) me here?"

My dad is a pastor, and as a child I often wondered why he was needed every time (and every day) that someone was in the hospital.

Today was one of those days. This time it was the granddaughter of a couple in our church. I had never met the granddaughter, but I felt like I should go and be with them anyway while she was in surgery. I went and they were so appreciative and immediately took me in to introduce me to their granddaughter. She is only 12, so after a few introductory comments, I said a prayer and excused myself back to the waiting room.

I don't know why, but I often wonder if the family is also asking themselves why I'm there. After all, I can pray just as effectively at home or in the office.

While we were all sitting in the surgical waiting room for the hour and a half surgery, there were moments of silence, moments of an intense nervousness nature, and moments of great conversation. During those moments I would wonder again, "Why am I here?"

Am I coming out of a sense of obligation? Am I coming out of a sense of expectation? Or am I coming to be a representative of the God who cares and is in control of their situation?

As I sat there in that waiting room, I looked around at their family. Probably half of them profess Jesus as their Savior and are involved in a local church. The other half claim Jesus as Lord but aren't involved in a church family and don't appear to be seeking God in their everyday lives.

I realized as I sat there that the opportunity before me was great and was a God-given opportunity to share the love and care of Jesus. Even if I was of no comfort to my church people (which I believe I was), I had a great chance to reach people and to witness in a way that I may never have again.

At the end of the day, I feel as though I made some headway in ministry as well as possibly gaining a new family to the church. But I can't help but remember that I lost a good 30 minutes there at first while I was focused on myself and the awkward silences.

That's what happens when we're focused on ourselves and our needs. It's only when we put God and His kingdom needs first that He is glorified and we can be used as His vessel.

Birthday

Today is my 30th birthday. That's right. It's my 30th birthday. I can't believe how time has flown. It really honestly truly seems like just yesterday I was turning 20. I guess the old saying is true: Time flies when you're having fun.

When I woke up this morning, I actually forgot that it was my birthday. But soon my sweet kids reminded me. Faith brought me a handmade felt picture that she had colored. It was beautiful and she worked so hard. She even wrapped it for me which in and of itself...broke my heart. Trevor, not to be outdone, went straight to his room to gather every stuffed animal that he thought I would like. Who could ask for better kids than these.

As I started my time with God this morning, I just thanked God for allowing me to see another birthday. I know it may seem comical to some that I say that since I'm "so young," but it's honestly the truth.

I can't imagine a better life. I can't imagine a better family. And I certainly can't imagine why God is so good to me.