I'm so frustrated I could scream. I did scream, actually.
Heath and I are trying incredibly hard to buy a house in Conway in order to be closer to my church. I love my church, and things are happening. But I currently live 40 miles away. This makes things difficult. I can't get there quickly when someone needs a shoulder, and I feel like I'm moving every time I go to/from church. My people also feel the strain, I'm sure. I feel like they're hesitant to call me when they'd really like for me to come because they feel bad about me driving so far. I don't mind really, but it would be soooooo much better if I lived closer. Therefore, we made a decision to buy a house in Conway. This house is perfect, we think. It's the right size, has the right amount of land for our liking, and it's in a great area. Perfect. The bank even thought so too...initially. We were pre-approved in 3 minutes flat. We made the offer. The seller accepted the offer. And the bank got to work.
That's when it all started. The bank doesn't seem to like clergy pay. Clergy are in that weird sort of classification where I get a W-2 and am viewed as a regular employee...except for the IRS. Clergy still have to pay self-employment tax. Yes...we still have to pay self-employment tax. It's a mess. It's unfair. And I honestly don't know why. Therefore, the bank still sees me as self-employed. I'm not. I'm employed by the church, but the bank doesn't see it that way. You can technically still use self-employment income on a mortgage loan, but you have to have 2 years worth of steady income to prove that you're stable, I guess.
This pastorate isn't my first rodeo. In all actuality, Heath and I have been in ministry since 2004. We only took a break from full-time ministry in 2012-2015. But even during that time, we filled pulpits for churches without pastors. So I started making my case.
This morning. I started pulling out taxes from 2004. Yes, I know I can't believe it either. We still have our tax returns from 2004. I even commented to Heath a couple of weeks ago that maybe it was time to start shredding some paper. I'm glad I didn't. Because now I need to make a case that I've been a pastor before. Again, this isn't my first rodeo. My boots aren't new, and my jeans show wear.
As I started looking through my tax returns, I started pulling out W-2s from every year. And then when I looked over at my stack, something hit me in the face. God has used me...ME of all people for 12 years now in ministry. I can't believe it. And I don't understand why He would. Of all the people on the earth, why would He choose me? Why would He choose to use a shy, timid, unsure, person that's lacking in so many important skills?
I don't know the answer to any of these. But I am sure that He has used me. Why do I keep at it? I've actually had to explain to the bank why some years there's a loss reported on our taxes due to the fact that expenses were higher than the pay. I'm sure they think it's either idiotic or deceptive. It makes no sense to anyone looking on. And it really doesn't make that much sense to me either...if you're looking at man's economy.
But if you view things through God's economy, it makes total sense. The fulfillment I get in knowing that I'm walking in the center of the Lord's will is payment enough. When God called me, I knew what I was signing up for. I knew that I would never be rich by man's standards. But oh how blessed I am when I realize that I am God's instrument and mouthpiece. How fulfilling it is when someone asks me to show them how to study the Word of God. How thrilling it is to get to be the one to baptized new souls saved in the Kingdom. How awesome it is when someone comes back and quotes to me part of a sermon that impacted how they live. How blessed I am to be able to proclaim the Word of the Lord. And therefore, I must be favored of God.
What other explanation is there? God is good, and I'll never know why He chooses to bless me so. But I'll take it.
