Waiting

I have spent the majority of my life waiting. When I was a kid, I couldn't wait until I got my driver's license. Then I waited to graduate from high school. I went to college and then waited to get married. Then all I wanted was to graduate from college. I waited for that too.

Nowadays, I do a different kind of waiting. I've waited for job promotions. I've waited for vacations, and right now, I'm waiting my income tax refund to arrive. Mostly though, I just wait on Heath to get home from work.

I've realized that I keep waiting on things to happen, never really taking the time to enjoy the moment or time that I'm given. I know we all have heard the cliches that are on bumper stickers or our Facebook walls, "Enjoy today because tomorrow is never promised," or "Today only happens once." Whatever cliche you've heard, it's likely that you're like me. You nod your head in agreement and even mentally assent that those sayings are true. And while they are perfectly true, we rarely live by them.

I've spent my entire life waiting...always waiting for the next thing to happen so that I can enjoy the moment, but I'm a very impatient person. I've thought about this issue of waiting for so long, that I can fully picture myself in 40-50 years, checked into my nursing home, settled in my hospital bed, waiting to die. You may laugh at my thoughts, but if I'm not careful, before I know it, this picture will be my reality.

Why am I like this? I honestly think that my lack of self-confidence has kept me from believing that I have something to offer the world...just the way I am now...and with the resources I have now.

It's true that I won't get a "do-over" for today, and that I'm not promised tomorrow. Today I will play with my children. I will love my husband. I will let the dishes sit in the sink a few more hours, and I will walk over to meet my neighbor in the yard. I will sit on the porch and enjoy the nice weather and thank God for the blessing of today.

What am I waiting for? I don't know. Life is here. I don't want to wish it away anymore.