No Greater Joy

Tonight the kids and I were driving home. As has become our custom lately, when it's just them and me, we sing together along with the radio or my ipod. After about the 3rd song, sung in 3 part harmony, I realized that my childhood has come full circle.

When I was a kid, my family would sing in the car. Our parents didn't just engage in their own conversation in the front seat, leaving us to sit quietly in the back. They engaged us, and I honestly believe that because of this, my sister and I love to sing Christian music to this day.

I want my kids to sing. I want them to feel free to praise the Lord in song, any chance they get, and I honestly think...it just might be working!

While I was driving, I was thinking about the words they were singing. I don't even know if they realize the words they're singing, but they've got them memorized. They're singing lines such as...

"We want to praise Jesus for His many blessings, He's been so good to us"
"I'm not gonna walk away, I've got too much at stake. I've come to far to turn back now!"
"I could never praise Him enough"
"Tell the mountain just how big your God is!"

I'm so thrilled that they're memorizing these words...but I know, they're not just words. Just like when I was a kid singing songs that were full of words, those words have proven to come back to me in times when I needed them most.

I thought of the seeds that are being sown through those songs, and it makes my heart smile.

Inadequate

I'm the first the admit that I am woefully inadequate as a mother. I fail often, I fail daily, and I fail HARD. I question myself continually, and I second-guess myself more often than I'm certain.

I'm a mother, and I feel like I'm a horrible one. But I love my children more than I love myself. I would die for them. I would protect them at any cost, and I'm gladly giving up my adult years to try my hardest to invest in them. They come first, and I don't begrudge a single moment.

I've recently discovered a website geared at ministering to women who are the stage of life such as myself. The authors have written books on topics such as being a good mother, being a good wife, and trying to juggle motherhood, careers, being a wife, and trying to maintain some semblance of self. The trap I find myself in most often is that when I read the books aimed at trying to equip and help me, I just find that I'm beating myself up because I'm not doing the things they described. I don't feel like I ever get it right. I look at other Godly mothers and women, and I just wish that I could have one day like them!

And in the midst of my prayers to God to make me better, I realize that He is already...and He HAS already. As inadequate as I am, I do realize God's work in me since I first became a mother almost 12 years ago. I realize that any good mother WILL constantly second-guess every decision, and every good mother will always feel inadequate.

I get questions from others daily about my decision to homeschool, and I get unwanted opinions and suggestions almost as regular. I have remind myself that these are only tactics of Satan to sideline me from focusing on the task at hand. I realize all too well that my time with them is limited, and that is why I so desperately want to do this right. I don't get any do-over's or second chances. My grandchildren's future is dependent! Sigh! More stress!

I can say that I do a few things right, however:

1) My kids know I love them.
2) My first priority is for them to know HIM

If I can just get these things right, I'll be okay. I cling to the promises to Scripture that He will bless my efforts and that the Word of the Lord will not return void. Thank you, Lord, for my children. I know that they were not given to me on accident, and I am grateful for the privilege of serving YOU in this capacity.