How Fear Controlled My Life

Isaiah 41:10 “Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your god. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.” NLT

I have a confession. I absolutely hate trying new restaurants, and it’s not because I’m a picky eater. In fact, it has nothing to do with the food. The reason I have such a distaste for new eating establishments is the awkward moment when you go through the door and you’re uncertain. Do you seat yourself, wait to be seated, go to a counter, throw your hands up to catch a roll....what do you do? Know what I mean? And all the while, all the locals are seated, watching me with their curious eyes, knowing instantly that I’ve never been here. “She doesn’t know what to do,” I can just hear them thinking out loud. It’s all rather silly, but it’s honestly something that goes through my mind every time I walk through an unknown door.

Most of my life I’ve spent in fear. Fear of heights, fear of water, fear of people, but most of all, fear of rejection. As a child, school wasn’t even safe, as I had an eye disorder that made me “different” than the other children. As a teenager, I didn’t participate in activities that the other teens enjoyed, and I was automatically cast out. As an adult, the fact that I’ve followed the call to discipleship makes me different too. All of this is why, without a doubt, I still would rather blend into the wall than make small talk with people I don’t know. It’s not that I don’t enjoy getting to know other people, no, it’s that I always felt like they wouldn’t want to get to know me. I wasn’t good enough, not smart enough, not interesting enough, not spiritual enough, and not pretty enough. I wasn’t enough.

Fear controlled me. It controlled my relationships, my hobbies, my opportunities, my career, and my relationship with Jesus. Because my fear so crippled the things I was able to do, my family suffered as well. Fear of embarrassing myself with my lack of athletic ability kept me from getting healthy for years. Fear that people would make fun of me or make snide remarks controlled my emotional health. Fear even later kept me from following the path that God had called me in sharing my story of weight loss, that I withheld the goodness that God brought about in my life from others who desperately needed to know that He is able! 

As I was reading through Isaiah one day, this well-known verse caught my attention. Countless times in the Bible, God says, “Do not fear.” But in this case, because of the exile, the people of Israel felt that God had thrown them away. They felt alone and unloved, but God had a purpose and a calling for them. Again, He expresses His love for them, “I am your God.” The promise of God’s abiding presence is continually weaved throughout Scripture, and...your life. In this Scripture, He uses the language of the covenant to remind them that He is victorious. Remember, He was the God who rescued them from Egypt, led them through the Red Sea on dry land, and fed them in the wilderness. Through all of the battles fought, God was there. He had planned their lives and their nation’s history in such a way as to show His faithfulness through it all. The road had not been easy; no one would claim it to be, because He was with them, they need not fear.

As I’ve looked back through the years of my life, I can see His hand designed plan upon every step.He has ordered my life in such ways that I never could’ve imagined for myself. He’s given me purpose, a calling, joy, and strength for the journey. Most of all, He saved me. Why should I fear? 

On days when the enemy comes around, telling me that I am not enough, I remember that God Himself has hand-designed my life. He has chosen me, equipped me, and given me gifts that I cannot help but share with others. The problem that I was facing all those years is that I thought my fear should be cured from within. But in fact, the cure to my fear comes from Him. If I’m confident in my skills, abilities, and interesting topics of discussion, I’m only confident in myself. But if I stand confident in what He has done in me, I boast about Him, giving Him glory. If rejection does occur, I can stand confident in the fact that He is pleased with me. And His victorious hand sustains me. 

What frightens you? If your worst fear were to come true, what’s the worst that could happen? Is God still on the throne? Hasn’t He been faithful through it all? 

Ask Him today to instill in you a confidence that comes from Him. He is faithful, and He is victorious!

Encouragement for Today

Jeremiah 29:11-14 “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ says the Lord. ‘They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me. I will be found by you,’ says the Lord, ‘I will end your captivity and restore your fortunes. I will gather you out of the nations where I sent you and will bring you home again to your own land.’” NLT

Psalm 34:4-6 “I prayed to the Lord, and he answered me. He freed me from all my fears. Those who look to him for help will be radiant with joy; no shadow of shame will darken their faces. In my desperation I prayed, and the Lord listened; he saved me from all my troubles.” NLT

Satisfaction

Isaiah 26:3 “You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you!” NLT

The goal weight had been in my head for months. I had it posted too in several places throughout my house, just to keep me focused, reminding me constantly that everything I did either contributed or hindered my weight loss. I envisioned what it would be like to finally see that number on the scale, what I would wear to my celebration party, and what I would look like on that day. Then the day came when I finally hit that goal weight. But I wasn’t happy. What I envisioned and what I saw in the mirror just didn’t match. Oh the number on the scale was correct, and my clothing size was unbelievable, even smaller than what I thought it would be. But all I saw was sagging skin, and the person looking back at me in that mirror didn’t look very happy. Would I ever be content, I thought? I was confused and frustrated, certain something had gone wrong. 

But nothing had gone wrong. Like clockwork, and with perfect math, I hit my goal weight the exact day that I thought I would, but I didn’t look the way that I thought I would either. For over a year, I had breathed, dreamed, and lived workout and fitness. I thought about ways to help my weight loss journey progress constantly, and most all of my conversations certainly revolved around the subject. As I look back on it all, I feel sorry for my friends and family whom, I’m sure, got tired of hearing me talk about it every single day. I was so laser-focused that I would often put my relationship with God to the side, only doing the bare minimum some days of reading Scripture and prayer. As so often stated before, I asked God for help, and He answered! But my mind wasn’t always focused where it should’ve been. 

Isaiah writes vividly here in this Scripture, called the Little Apocalypse, of the new creation that will exist in the last days. The descriptions are so attractive, as he details the perfect unity and harmony in which God’s people will live, and the ways that God will reveal Himself to the world. But what catches my eye is the verse on peace. Peace is often misunderstood as merely the absence of conflict, and certainly, that’s part of peace. But peace is so much more, in fact, peace is really the aspect of well-being. God has promised that those who keep their eyes on Him (instead of themselves and their own problems) will find that perfect peace.

In life, we all face hardships and problems, as we live in a fallen world. It’s just part of life. We can’t always avoid conflict, disappointments, and setbacks, but we can set our eyes on Him. And His Word has promised that when our eyes are fixed on Him, we can have perfect peace and contentment.

As I reached my goal weight, I didn’t have peace or contentment that day. I was focused on me; my self-orchestrated visions hadn’t come to fruition. Instead of celebrating and thanking God for what He had given me, I chose to walk around in a state of disappointment and frustration. How I wish I’d fixed my eyes on Jesus instead in order to have that perfect peace and contentment, and in order to see that I was still a work in progress.

Just because an outcome may look differently than what we’d hoped doesn’t mean we should reject it. We must remember that we are always going to have areas of our lives where God is at work. We’re not finished yet!

He desires to do more in our lives than to allow us to go about life, living simply in our own circumstances. He longs to give us perfect peace and contentment if only we will accept it! Keep you eyes on Him. 

Where do you need to be more content? In what areas of your life have you seen God trying to give you peace yet you’re focused on something else? 

Encouragement for Today

Ecclesiastes 1:5-6 “The sun rises and the sun sets, then hurries around to rise again. The wind blows south, and then turns north. Around and around it goes, blowing in circles.” NLT

Isaiah 64:8 “And yet, O Lord, you are our Father. We are the clay, and you are the potter. We all are formed by your hand.” NLT

It's My Birthday!

Isaiah 6:8 “The I heard the voice of the Lord saying, ‘Who shall I send? And who will go for us?’ And I said, ‘Here am I. Send me.’” 

Today is my birthday. I’m 35 years old, a nice, round number. Last night my husband took me shopping to get some new clothes, since this is the first springtime I’ve been this size. I needed some new clothes. Birthdays are funny, though. Typically, in our culture, birthdays are filled with cake, ice cream, relaxation, doing fun things, and birthday wishes from Facebook. They are certainly rarely seen as a time to get healthy. Holidays in general always are times that mark another year’s passing. Sometimes they come quickly, and sometimes they seem to creep by, depending on the year you’ve experienced. There may be an empty chair for the first time, or there may be a new addition to the family. One thing is common though. They’re usually filled with food. 

Over the past couple of years though, my husband and I have tried to find new ways to celebrate birthdays and holidays. This year, on my birthday, I choose to mark the anniversary of my entry into the world with reflections and goal setting for the next 35 years. You see, today is also the anniversary of my calling to ministry, 19 years ago. Almost two decades have passed, and I look back with a mixture of emotions from joy to pain. Lots of years were spent preparing for ministry, but a huge chunk of it was spent serving. So I have to beg the question, “What will I do in the next 35 years?”

Isaiah 6:8 has been my life verse since that day I dedicated my life to Christ for His purposes. Isaiah is seeing a vision of God, exalted on His throne, and even the seraphim are proclaiming His Holiness, “Holy, holy, holy is the Lord Almighty! The earth is full of His glory.” Isaiah feels overcome with his sin, and is certain that he is doomed because here he is, sinful, in the presence of a Holy God. But God in His holiness, cleanses Isaiah from his sin, and makes him acceptable to be the presence of the Almighty God! The Lord then asks who will go for Him. Isaiah volunteers. In all of Scripture, we only see one prophet of God volunteer. So enamored with God, and in appreciation of His cleansing Isaiah proclaims, “Send me! Send me!”

How in love with God are you? Are you so appreciative of what God has done in your life that you may be willing to be used of Him to spread His message? 

Today instead of indulging in putting myself in a sugar coma, I will choose to be faithful to the God who created me. What better way could there be to celebrate the anniversary of my birth? I will thank my parents for giving me life and for raising me to know Him. I will reflect on His purposes for my life, and take care of the vehicle He’s given me to spread His message. God has a unique calling and purpose for every one of us if we will let Him. His plans for us far surpass any plans we could ever dream for ourselves. He is faithful, loving, compassionate, and has extravagant love for us, giving us the perfect gift, salvation in His Name! Walk in that love, accepting His gift, His best for you!

Take some time today and read the entire chapter of Isaiah 6. It’s quite the vivid picture and will give you a chance to say too, “Here am I. Send me!”

Encouragement for Today 

Psalm 118:24 “This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.” NIV

James 1:17 “Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.” NIV

Psalm 37:4 “Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.” NIV

Ideas for Healthy Celebrations

• Peruse the internet for healthy dessert recipes. Skinnytaste.com is my favorite foodie blod.
• Run your first 5k or mark another fitness milestone.
• Take that fitness class you’ve always wanted to take. Kickboxing, dancing, spinning, and yoga are all great fun.
• Have your birthday party at a park instead of a restaurant. It’s usually free and will provide great encouragement to be active.
• If you let yourself indulge in cake, just have a cupcake. The portion is controlled, and you won’t feel deprived. And there won’t be an entire cake sitting on your kitchen counter waiting to tempt you tomorrow!
• Have new professional photos taken.
• Treat yourself to new workout gear.
• Do something that’s fun and active like bowling, skating, or golfing.
• Work out! Be sure to work out today. You’ll have more energy to celebrate!
• Go get a new "do"
• Buy a new outfit to show off your new curves!

The I AM

This week Heath and I were cleaning up and cleaning out. We started into the task...a task I always hate...cleaning out closets and junk rooms...yes, I said rooms...don't judge. Anyway, I came across a framed print someone had given us for our office years ago. Isaiah 61 is on the print which says, "1 The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, 2 to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, 3 and provide for those who grieve in Zion-- to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor. 4 They will rebuild the ancient ruins and restore the places long devastated; they will renew the ruined cities that have been devastated for generations. 5 Aliens will shepherd your flocks; foreigners will work your fields and vineyards. 6 And you will be called priests of the LORD, you will be named ministers of our God. You will feed on the wealth of nations, and in their riches you will boast."

I couldn't get past verse 2 without crying, thinking about the chapter of our lives that is apparently over. The years of pastoring people...knowing that the Spirit of God anointed us was, to put it lightly, AWESOME. I got to tell hurting people every day that Jesus could set them free...not only that...but people CAME on PURPOSE to church to hear those messages. Every Sunday I used to be in awe that people actually came ON PURPOSE to hear me preach!

But that chapter of my life is over, and I'm kind of lost. Well, I'm not KIND of lost...I am lost. I don't really know what to do with myself. I've started teaching Sunday School at our church, and Heath and I are involved in the media aspect at church, but I'm not pastor anymore. I feel at times like I'm letting God down by not being in a position to tell people about Him full-time. People used to expect me to talk about God, but now...there's no expectation.

This morning I got up to study my Sunday School lesson, and I read a devotion first. This is an excerpt that I read probably 4 times....


"Backtrack and remember all the places I've been faithful in your life. And know with assurance. And boldness. And confidence. I AM. I AM the same faithful God."


Wow...Finally, the thought hit me. I have changed positions, roles, seasons of life...but He hasn't. He is still the great I AM, and He is still faithful.


I've always been a person that boasted that I liked change. I like rearranging furniture. I like to travel, I like new fashions, and I like new foods...but if I'm honest, changes in seasons of life scare the mess out of me. I know I've been harping on this for a while but I'm scared.


But i have to remember. The God who consoled Elijah in the changes of seasons of his life is the same God who hears me, who is faithful to me, and who has a plan for me. I may never preach in another pulpit again, but I have a place in His ministry. I can't wait to see what it is.