This week Heath and I were cleaning up and cleaning out. We started into the task...a task I always hate...cleaning out closets and junk rooms...yes, I said rooms...don't judge. Anyway, I came across a framed print someone had given us for our office years ago. Isaiah 61 is on the print which says, "1 The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, 2 to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, 3 and provide for those who grieve in Zion-- to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor. 4 They will rebuild the ancient ruins and restore the places long devastated; they will renew the ruined cities that have been devastated for generations. 5 Aliens will shepherd your flocks; foreigners will work your fields and vineyards. 6 And you will be called priests of the LORD, you will be named ministers of our God. You will feed on the wealth of nations, and in their riches you will boast."
I couldn't get past verse 2 without crying, thinking about the chapter of our lives that is apparently over. The years of pastoring people...knowing that the Spirit of God anointed us was, to put it lightly, AWESOME. I got to tell hurting people every day that Jesus could set them free...not only that...but people CAME on PURPOSE to church to hear those messages. Every Sunday I used to be in awe that people actually came ON PURPOSE to hear me preach!
But that chapter of my life is over, and I'm kind of lost. Well, I'm not KIND of lost...I am lost. I don't really know what to do with myself. I've started teaching Sunday School at our church, and Heath and I are involved in the media aspect at church, but I'm not pastor anymore. I feel at times like I'm letting God down by not being in a position to tell people about Him full-time. People used to expect me to talk about God, but now...there's no expectation.
This morning I got up to study my Sunday School lesson, and I read a devotion first. This is an excerpt that I read probably 4 times....
"Backtrack and remember all the places I've been faithful in your life. And know with assurance. And boldness. And confidence. I AM. I AM the same faithful God."
Wow...Finally, the thought hit me. I have changed positions, roles, seasons of life...but He hasn't. He is still the great I AM, and He is still faithful.
I've always been a person that boasted that I liked change. I like rearranging furniture. I like to travel, I like new fashions, and I like new foods...but if I'm honest, changes in seasons of life scare the mess out of me. I know I've been harping on this for a while but I'm scared.
But i have to remember. The God who consoled Elijah in the changes of seasons of his life is the same God who hears me, who is faithful to me, and who has a plan for me. I may never preach in another pulpit again, but I have a place in His ministry. I can't wait to see what it is.
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I like that a lot - we may have to change, but He does not change. What a comforting thought!
ReplyDeleteAnd while people may not still have that expectation from you any longer (and I'm sure that it a little bit freeing as well!), we know that there is still an expectation from God that we are to spread His word. Just think how not being confined to the expectations of doing it as a JOB allows you to move in ways that would have been impossible before.
Life transitions are HARD - no doubt. But this may be a GIFT to you. This could open up your ministry in ways you can't even imagine yet! :)