How Fear Controlled My Life

Isaiah 41:10 “Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your god. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.” NLT

I have a confession. I absolutely hate trying new restaurants, and it’s not because I’m a picky eater. In fact, it has nothing to do with the food. The reason I have such a distaste for new eating establishments is the awkward moment when you go through the door and you’re uncertain. Do you seat yourself, wait to be seated, go to a counter, throw your hands up to catch a roll....what do you do? Know what I mean? And all the while, all the locals are seated, watching me with their curious eyes, knowing instantly that I’ve never been here. “She doesn’t know what to do,” I can just hear them thinking out loud. It’s all rather silly, but it’s honestly something that goes through my mind every time I walk through an unknown door.

Most of my life I’ve spent in fear. Fear of heights, fear of water, fear of people, but most of all, fear of rejection. As a child, school wasn’t even safe, as I had an eye disorder that made me “different” than the other children. As a teenager, I didn’t participate in activities that the other teens enjoyed, and I was automatically cast out. As an adult, the fact that I’ve followed the call to discipleship makes me different too. All of this is why, without a doubt, I still would rather blend into the wall than make small talk with people I don’t know. It’s not that I don’t enjoy getting to know other people, no, it’s that I always felt like they wouldn’t want to get to know me. I wasn’t good enough, not smart enough, not interesting enough, not spiritual enough, and not pretty enough. I wasn’t enough.

Fear controlled me. It controlled my relationships, my hobbies, my opportunities, my career, and my relationship with Jesus. Because my fear so crippled the things I was able to do, my family suffered as well. Fear of embarrassing myself with my lack of athletic ability kept me from getting healthy for years. Fear that people would make fun of me or make snide remarks controlled my emotional health. Fear even later kept me from following the path that God had called me in sharing my story of weight loss, that I withheld the goodness that God brought about in my life from others who desperately needed to know that He is able! 

As I was reading through Isaiah one day, this well-known verse caught my attention. Countless times in the Bible, God says, “Do not fear.” But in this case, because of the exile, the people of Israel felt that God had thrown them away. They felt alone and unloved, but God had a purpose and a calling for them. Again, He expresses His love for them, “I am your God.” The promise of God’s abiding presence is continually weaved throughout Scripture, and...your life. In this Scripture, He uses the language of the covenant to remind them that He is victorious. Remember, He was the God who rescued them from Egypt, led them through the Red Sea on dry land, and fed them in the wilderness. Through all of the battles fought, God was there. He had planned their lives and their nation’s history in such a way as to show His faithfulness through it all. The road had not been easy; no one would claim it to be, because He was with them, they need not fear.

As I’ve looked back through the years of my life, I can see His hand designed plan upon every step.He has ordered my life in such ways that I never could’ve imagined for myself. He’s given me purpose, a calling, joy, and strength for the journey. Most of all, He saved me. Why should I fear? 

On days when the enemy comes around, telling me that I am not enough, I remember that God Himself has hand-designed my life. He has chosen me, equipped me, and given me gifts that I cannot help but share with others. The problem that I was facing all those years is that I thought my fear should be cured from within. But in fact, the cure to my fear comes from Him. If I’m confident in my skills, abilities, and interesting topics of discussion, I’m only confident in myself. But if I stand confident in what He has done in me, I boast about Him, giving Him glory. If rejection does occur, I can stand confident in the fact that He is pleased with me. And His victorious hand sustains me. 

What frightens you? If your worst fear were to come true, what’s the worst that could happen? Is God still on the throne? Hasn’t He been faithful through it all? 

Ask Him today to instill in you a confidence that comes from Him. He is faithful, and He is victorious!

Encouragement for Today

Jeremiah 29:11-14 “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ says the Lord. ‘They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me. I will be found by you,’ says the Lord, ‘I will end your captivity and restore your fortunes. I will gather you out of the nations where I sent you and will bring you home again to your own land.’” NLT

Psalm 34:4-6 “I prayed to the Lord, and he answered me. He freed me from all my fears. Those who look to him for help will be radiant with joy; no shadow of shame will darken their faces. In my desperation I prayed, and the Lord listened; he saved me from all my troubles.” NLT

How Having a Healthy Lifestyle Affected My Relationships

Galatians 1:10 “For am I now seeking the favor of men, or of God? Or am I striving to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a bond-servant of Christ.” NASB

I squirmed nervously in the car seat on the drive that morning. I had lost 45 pounds, and it was the first time this group of people would see me since my transformation began. Lots of congratulatory remarks were sure to be showered on me, but I knew there was one person at least who would take a chance to jab at me. We hadn’t always spoken to each other in that manner, but as I grew as a person, it seemed that our relationship took a nosedive. Sure enough, as soon as I arrived, my physical inspection began. I’m not kidding. We were here to celebrate Christmas, and the last thing I wanted was for our festivities to be centered around my weight-loss. She asked me what size I was in, and noted that certain body parts had “disappeared.” Maybe she thought it was funny and she was happy for me, but it didn’t feel that way to me. It was embarrassing, frustrating, and hurtful. Not quite sure how I should respond, I just smiled and didn’t say anything. In fact, I didn’t say anything for months. 

Then a few months later, almost the same scenario happened twice more, and again, I didn’t know how to respond. It seems as though no conversation can be had anymore without that subject being brought up. I just wish things would go back to normal, and she would see me as a normal person. I want a good relationship again, but I’m not sure how that can happen. I do have sneaking suspicions about why things are the way they are, but I’m not sure how to handle them. On some occasions, it seems as though some friends/family have been downright angry at me for changing things. Parties, family get-togethers, and holiday celebrations have changed due to my lifestyle change, and it’s made some people uncomfortable. I had no idea that my food choices would create such chaos for others, but the truth is, they do. My motives are certainly never to make anyone feel bad about themselves but to change my own life. At the end of the day, though, I have to be true to the commitment I’ve made to live a healthy lifestyle.

I’ve often thought of Paul’s verse here throughout my weight loss journey. The church in Galatia has turned away from the Gospel Paul preached and are back to looking to the law to be saved. He’s shocked that they’ve fallen away so quickly. Paul's opponents had criticized him heavily and questioned his authority as an apostle, and he quickly gets to the chase that he serves Christ, not man. 

Be clear that serving Christ will displease many people. In fact, sometimes it seems as though you stand alone. It reminds me of the song, “Though none go with me, still I will follow...” The question you have to ask yourself is whether or not you will stand alone. Is He worth it? 

Oh, He is worth it. If no one approves of my decision to follow Christ, it will hurt, and at times it will seem lonely, but He is worth it! There will be hurtful times, but there will be joyful times. The times of loneliness will only be overshadowed by His abiding presence and love.

When we change our lifestyles, sometimes people may get upset, but we have to remember why. What we do affects others, positively or negatively. We can gently encourage others by showing them the joy that serving Jesus brings as well as the perks of living a healthy life. 

When relationships change, rest assured that Jesus doesn’t. Our relationship with Him extends far beyond social gatherings and parties, as He walks with us every day.

Encouragement for Today

Ephesians 6:12 “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood but against the rules, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” NIV