The Garden

I love gardens. I love flowers, I love bushes, I love trees, I love the fragrance they bring, and I even love leaves. I love everything about gardens. When I was a little girl, I always thought I've have a house out in the country with a beautiful flower garden. While I did have the house in the country, and I did have flowers...lots of them...it wasn't a garden, and it wasn't very pretty. But I love arboretums, and I love visiting the botanical garden. There's something calming, soothing, and relaxing about it. I love the chance to ride my bike around the botanical garden in Fayetteville. There's something about being in beautiful nature that reminds me of the creative God we serve, and the beauty he has given us.

Today, I stumbled across the Collingsworth Family's recording of In the Garden. It was just a piano arrangements, but I didn't need reminding of the words. I have them memorized.

I come to the garden alone
While the dew is still on the roses
And the voice I hear falling on my ear
The Son of God discloses

And He walks with me, and He talks with me
And He tells me I am His own

That was it. I lost it.

I've been struggling for years with feeling like my faults and failures separate me from God forever and I will never be able to make it up to Him. I am His own? So reassuring and so calming to know that He waits for me to come! He wants to spend time with me and tell me I am His own!

And the joy we share
As we tarry there, none other has ever known

Joy. It's a concept I've preached on several times, but honestly, never really grasped for myself. Oh, I can define it. I can recognize it in others, but unfortunately, I can fake it. I never really took hold of the joy that available because honestly, I never felt worthy of it.

He speaks and the sound of His voice
Is so sweet the birds hush their singing

The birds hush? Around here, the birds don't hush for anything. They're loud! But even animals recognize the voice of God. It's true. All creation testifies. So why is it, that His greatest creation doesn't recognize His voice to see His hand at work? He created us in His image, and yet, all other creation recognizes the God of the universe.

And the melody that He gave to me
Within my heart is ringing

Melody. I love to sing. I don't really have the opportunity at all anymore to sing publicly, and I miss it. The other day, my husband, while trying to comfort me said, "You can still sing in the car." He meant well. He really did. And I don't despise his words. But my husband likes to ride his bicycle...like 25 miles. Him telling me to sing in the car seemed to me like I should tell him that he could just ride my exercise bike in the dining room.  While I miss singing in church, and I miss telling a testimony in song, most of all, I realize that I can have the melody in my heart. As long as He is with me, He gives me a melody of love in my heart.

And He walks with me
And He talks with me
And He tells me I am His own
And the joy we share as we tarry there
None other has ever known

Macaroni and Cheese (Healthier Version)

Part of being a mother, in my opinion, is making the kids' favorite foods once in a while. Since we've been trying to live healthier, I have neglected cooking for the most part except for our meat. We usually eat grilled meat and raw vegetables and fruit. The kids asked for my macaroni and cheese yesterday, so I decided to play with the receipe to see if I could come up with a healthier version. It turned out pretty well.

Macaroni and Cheese
2 cups whole wheat elbow macaroni, boiled and drained
1 cup skim milk
2 eggs, beaten (or egg beaters if you have them will make it even healthier)
2 cups fat-free cheese, shredded
1/2 cup plain non-fat greek yogurt
1 can Campbell's cheddar cheese soup (I wish I could find a substitute for this)
2 tbsp. margarine

Stir all the ingredients together in a crock-pot and cook on low for 2 hours, stirring occasionally.

Nutritional Information (1/2 cup serving)
Calories: 117
Fat: 4.44
Carbs: 13.2
Fiber: 1.22
Protein: 7.87

Skinny (and good) Chicken Salad

1 Tyson Grilled and Ready Chicken Breast Chopped
4 Green Onions
3 tbsp. fat-free mayonnaise
freshly ground black pepper to taste

So, basically, you just mix all this together, and voila! you have chicken salad (and it honestly makes enough for more than 1 sandwich). I personally eat mine on 40 calorie Nature's Own Honey Wheat Bread, but you can eat your's on Special K Cracker Chips or whatever you want. I used to make this with canned chicken, but I recently discovered that Tyson Grilled and Ready Chicken is just as easier and sooooo much healthier.

Nutritional Information
Calories: 149
Fat: 2
Carbohydrates: 11.4
Fiber: 1.6
Protein: 22.2

Skinny Eating

I've always been a foodie. You can look at me and tell that I love to eat. I love flavor. I love cooking, and I love sharing my love of food and cooking!

It's only in the last few months that I've embraced...truly embraced the fact that I will not live forever. And if I don't change my eating habits...and those of my children, I won't be around or healthy enough to enjoy my grandchildren. Heath and I have started working out as much as time allows and we've started eating healthier. I quickly grew tired, however, of salad and plain boring grilled chicken, so I had to get creative. The best part about this whole new healthy lifestyle, though is that I've discovered new foods and new ingredients to make old time favorite recipes healthier. I made the following recipe tonight, and I have to say, I did pretty good!

The great thing about these little cheesecake cups is that they're healthy, and they actually contribute to your body. They're low calories and insanely high in protein!

Lemon Cheesecake Cups

9 cupcake liners

9 reduced fat vanilla wafers

8 oz. Greek Yogurt cream cheese (Yes, there is such a thing sold at Walmart)

1/4 cup sugar in the raw

1 tsp. vanilla

5 1/2 oz. cup of vanilla non-fat Greek yogurt

2 large egg whites (I'm going to experiment with egg beaters later)

3 tbsp. lemon juice

1 tbsp. all purpose flour

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Place a vanilla wafer in the bottom of each cupcake liner. 

Beat cream cheese, sugar, and vanilla in a bowl until well blended. Gradually add in remaining ingredients and evenly fill the cupcake liners. Bake in preheated oven for 20-30 minutes or until set. 

Cool until room temperature and then place in the refrigerator until chilled. I serve mine topped with fresh fruit (raspberries, blackberries, blueberries, strawberries, etc.)

Nutritional Information per serving:

Calories: 106

Fat: 3

Carbohydrates: 13

Fiber: 0.5

Protein: 6.3 (Yes, you read that right!)

Home

The time has come. We have officially signed a contract to sell our home. Home. It's kind of a strange word, isn't it? It's short, not extravagant, and really, well, kind of...homely. The fact that the end is nearing...fast in fact, only 13 days away has got me to asking the question, "What is home?" To me, it's always been a welcoming place. It's a place where you always feel welcome, loved, and safe. This house on Cooper Drive has been that for me. So much in fact, that I have cried about the prospect of leaving it for weeks now. When the time comes for me to pull out of the driveway for the last time, I hope I'm not driving. I will be crying like a baby. This house (and the land) has been my safe place to land during the tumultuous last four years. It's the only house that I have ever lived in that was entirely owned by the occupants. No one could tell me if I could/couldn't paint. No one had access to it besides Heath and me, and best of all, if I didn't feel like mowing the lawn...I didn't have to!

How will I leave my home. The home I love so much? I've moved a LOT in my lifetime, but everytime I've ever moved from a home, I've had a greater, vivid picture of life ahead of me. This time, I know it's all in God's plan that we're moving on, but I really can't see a vivid picture. All I see is a duplex that really needs to be clean before my stuff is going in!

But what is home, really? In Jeanette Oak's series, Love Comes Softly, Missy says that home is a place where "you always feel safe and you're always loved." As I was throwing yet another pity party, as seems to be the norm here lately, I realized that I have a home. My family is my home. Wherever Heath and my children are...that is home. It doesn't matter to me in what "house" we may reside. My home is the life partner that God gave to me. He is a place where I feel welcome, loved, and safe. Welcome to share my heart. Loved enough that he sacrifices his own possessions, agendas, and even his health for me on a daily basis. And safe enough that he would die for me without hesitation. I am incredibly blessed.

So I'm interested to know...where is your home?

No Greater Joy

Tonight the kids and I were driving home. As has become our custom lately, when it's just them and me, we sing together along with the radio or my ipod. After about the 3rd song, sung in 3 part harmony, I realized that my childhood has come full circle.

When I was a kid, my family would sing in the car. Our parents didn't just engage in their own conversation in the front seat, leaving us to sit quietly in the back. They engaged us, and I honestly believe that because of this, my sister and I love to sing Christian music to this day.

I want my kids to sing. I want them to feel free to praise the Lord in song, any chance they get, and I honestly think...it just might be working!

While I was driving, I was thinking about the words they were singing. I don't even know if they realize the words they're singing, but they've got them memorized. They're singing lines such as...

"We want to praise Jesus for His many blessings, He's been so good to us"
"I'm not gonna walk away, I've got too much at stake. I've come to far to turn back now!"
"I could never praise Him enough"
"Tell the mountain just how big your God is!"

I'm so thrilled that they're memorizing these words...but I know, they're not just words. Just like when I was a kid singing songs that were full of words, those words have proven to come back to me in times when I needed them most.

I thought of the seeds that are being sown through those songs, and it makes my heart smile.

Inadequate

I'm the first the admit that I am woefully inadequate as a mother. I fail often, I fail daily, and I fail HARD. I question myself continually, and I second-guess myself more often than I'm certain.

I'm a mother, and I feel like I'm a horrible one. But I love my children more than I love myself. I would die for them. I would protect them at any cost, and I'm gladly giving up my adult years to try my hardest to invest in them. They come first, and I don't begrudge a single moment.

I've recently discovered a website geared at ministering to women who are the stage of life such as myself. The authors have written books on topics such as being a good mother, being a good wife, and trying to juggle motherhood, careers, being a wife, and trying to maintain some semblance of self. The trap I find myself in most often is that when I read the books aimed at trying to equip and help me, I just find that I'm beating myself up because I'm not doing the things they described. I don't feel like I ever get it right. I look at other Godly mothers and women, and I just wish that I could have one day like them!

And in the midst of my prayers to God to make me better, I realize that He is already...and He HAS already. As inadequate as I am, I do realize God's work in me since I first became a mother almost 12 years ago. I realize that any good mother WILL constantly second-guess every decision, and every good mother will always feel inadequate.

I get questions from others daily about my decision to homeschool, and I get unwanted opinions and suggestions almost as regular. I have remind myself that these are only tactics of Satan to sideline me from focusing on the task at hand. I realize all too well that my time with them is limited, and that is why I so desperately want to do this right. I don't get any do-over's or second chances. My grandchildren's future is dependent! Sigh! More stress!

I can say that I do a few things right, however:

1) My kids know I love them.
2) My first priority is for them to know HIM

If I can just get these things right, I'll be okay. I cling to the promises to Scripture that He will bless my efforts and that the Word of the Lord will not return void. Thank you, Lord, for my children. I know that they were not given to me on accident, and I am grateful for the privilege of serving YOU in this capacity.