Inadequate

I'm the first the admit that I am woefully inadequate as a mother. I fail often, I fail daily, and I fail HARD. I question myself continually, and I second-guess myself more often than I'm certain.

I'm a mother, and I feel like I'm a horrible one. But I love my children more than I love myself. I would die for them. I would protect them at any cost, and I'm gladly giving up my adult years to try my hardest to invest in them. They come first, and I don't begrudge a single moment.

I've recently discovered a website geared at ministering to women who are the stage of life such as myself. The authors have written books on topics such as being a good mother, being a good wife, and trying to juggle motherhood, careers, being a wife, and trying to maintain some semblance of self. The trap I find myself in most often is that when I read the books aimed at trying to equip and help me, I just find that I'm beating myself up because I'm not doing the things they described. I don't feel like I ever get it right. I look at other Godly mothers and women, and I just wish that I could have one day like them!

And in the midst of my prayers to God to make me better, I realize that He is already...and He HAS already. As inadequate as I am, I do realize God's work in me since I first became a mother almost 12 years ago. I realize that any good mother WILL constantly second-guess every decision, and every good mother will always feel inadequate.

I get questions from others daily about my decision to homeschool, and I get unwanted opinions and suggestions almost as regular. I have remind myself that these are only tactics of Satan to sideline me from focusing on the task at hand. I realize all too well that my time with them is limited, and that is why I so desperately want to do this right. I don't get any do-over's or second chances. My grandchildren's future is dependent! Sigh! More stress!

I can say that I do a few things right, however:

1) My kids know I love them.
2) My first priority is for them to know HIM

If I can just get these things right, I'll be okay. I cling to the promises to Scripture that He will bless my efforts and that the Word of the Lord will not return void. Thank you, Lord, for my children. I know that they were not given to me on accident, and I am grateful for the privilege of serving YOU in this capacity.