Legacy

I've been thinking a lot lately about the legacy we leave behind for our children. Heath's mom passed away recently, and as is custom, her children received things left for them in her will. Last week, Heath and I had a will made...just to protect our kids if something should happen unexpectedly.

As we were outlining our final wishes, it felt a bid morbid, scary, but I think it put a lot of things in perspective for me. We were talking about who should get custody of our children, money, property, and our material possessions. But no one ever said anything about the memory we would leave behind in their minds.

If something should happen to me and Heath today, and our children are raised by someone else, what will they remember? Will they remember parents who were stressed out and just put work ahead of them? Will they remember family dinners sat round the TV? Will they remember all the times I took my stress out on them?

I can't let that happen.

I was blessed to have a legacy of faith, unconditional love, and acceptance bestowed upon me when I was growing up. Not only that, but I was taught a tireless work ethic and the importance of loving my neighbor as myself. I want more than a fat college fund, for my children to have a legacy of holiness and Christ-likeness. I want them to remember fun family times that we spent together, and not just yearly vacations...  I want them to see the value of hard work, and the worth in investing in other people and in God's kingdom.

What can I do today in the midst of laundry, homeschool, and house renovations? I can speak kindly, hug a little longer, and teach them alongside my work. It won't take too long. I've just got to be intentional.

Waiting

I have spent the majority of my life waiting. When I was a kid, I couldn't wait until I got my driver's license. Then I waited to graduate from high school. I went to college and then waited to get married. Then all I wanted was to graduate from college. I waited for that too.

Nowadays, I do a different kind of waiting. I've waited for job promotions. I've waited for vacations, and right now, I'm waiting my income tax refund to arrive. Mostly though, I just wait on Heath to get home from work.

I've realized that I keep waiting on things to happen, never really taking the time to enjoy the moment or time that I'm given. I know we all have heard the cliches that are on bumper stickers or our Facebook walls, "Enjoy today because tomorrow is never promised," or "Today only happens once." Whatever cliche you've heard, it's likely that you're like me. You nod your head in agreement and even mentally assent that those sayings are true. And while they are perfectly true, we rarely live by them.

I've spent my entire life waiting...always waiting for the next thing to happen so that I can enjoy the moment, but I'm a very impatient person. I've thought about this issue of waiting for so long, that I can fully picture myself in 40-50 years, checked into my nursing home, settled in my hospital bed, waiting to die. You may laugh at my thoughts, but if I'm not careful, before I know it, this picture will be my reality.

Why am I like this? I honestly think that my lack of self-confidence has kept me from believing that I have something to offer the world...just the way I am now...and with the resources I have now.

It's true that I won't get a "do-over" for today, and that I'm not promised tomorrow. Today I will play with my children. I will love my husband. I will let the dishes sit in the sink a few more hours, and I will walk over to meet my neighbor in the yard. I will sit on the porch and enjoy the nice weather and thank God for the blessing of today.

What am I waiting for? I don't know. Life is here. I don't want to wish it away anymore.